my therapist (the talk one, not the cognitive behavioral one) suggested that i "go right up to the edge" when a panic attack seems to be coming on. i don't really know what this means, so i'm just going to type what's going on.
sooo. here i am, at the edge. the panic edge.
things i've done so far, edge-wise, to take care of myself:
-taking rescue pearls (worth trying. natural stuff from whole foods. it's like a bunch of flower oils or something, i don't know. clematis is a flower, right? anyway, i used them a lot in grad school. before i knew the wonders of concerta. but you can't take concerta while breastfeeding because it's basically meth and babies don't like meth. side note: recently i was lucky enough to eavesdrop as someone tried to tell my cousin's wife -- she is a pediatrician -- how marijuana can be beneficial in childbirth. she had to explain that babies and weed don't mix. who knew, guys? who. knew.)
-calming tea (it is really unfortunate when tea people include stevia in the bag with all the leaves. i can decide for myself whether i want my mouth to feel unexpectedly cold and dry, thanks. that doesn't actually make me feel calm, having a dry and cold mouth.)
-using a weighted blanket (worth every penny. not sure why i'm always so surprised when i try to pick it up to carry it somewhere and it's so heavy. it's so heavy, you guys?!)
-reading a book (i joined the library! turns out there are a lot of things you can do at the public library that you couldn't do last time i frequented one. libraries have made a lot of progress since the 90's, everyone. not sure if you knew.
...for real though you can rent wifi hot spots and rosetta stone and other very cool things.)
-stretching my trapezius muscles (yes i teach yoga and yes i suggest this in every yoga class i teach. your "traps" can tense up the whole back side of your torso and wreak havoc on the rest of your bod. breastfeeding makes this worse unless you are one of those magical unicorns with perfect breastfeeding form. which i am not. oh, breastfeeding...the panics you have caused me. try it: interlace your fingers behind your head, right below the crown-ish. let your chin fall towards your chest and gradually add weight into your hands. you should feel a stretch anywhere from the base of your skull to your shoulders to your mid-back. hopefully all of them. it's just the best.)
-deep breaths (these don't work once the panic has arrived.)
-tums (thank you, pastel chalk.)
-apple cider vinegar (why fucking not)
-texting
-concentrating really hard on what the uncomfortable sensations in my gut are that i'm trying so hard to get away from. gurgles? bubbles? burning? cramps? pits? aches? all of the above? all of the effing above. worth noting: it's not always vommy. i always assume it's nausea before i check in, so it helps to observe. if i remember. and if i'm brave enough - because sometimes i'm scared that if i really look closely at my discomfort, it'll blow up in my face and just envelop me, i guess.
-trying to "notice without judging" how weirdly cold my feet are. cold and tingly. it's unusual, but it's not an emergency. i can live with it. they're not going to be tingly forever and they're not going to fall off. who needs feet anyway?! not this girl.
-lying on my belly. this helps especially when i can't sleep. and then i fall asleep with the light on and my husband has to turn it off. sorry, husband. you're the best.
my baby thinks it's time to party and i think it's time to sleep...thanks for listening.
sooo. here i am, at the edge. the panic edge.
things i've done so far, edge-wise, to take care of myself:
-taking rescue pearls (worth trying. natural stuff from whole foods. it's like a bunch of flower oils or something, i don't know. clematis is a flower, right? anyway, i used them a lot in grad school. before i knew the wonders of concerta. but you can't take concerta while breastfeeding because it's basically meth and babies don't like meth. side note: recently i was lucky enough to eavesdrop as someone tried to tell my cousin's wife -- she is a pediatrician -- how marijuana can be beneficial in childbirth. she had to explain that babies and weed don't mix. who knew, guys? who. knew.)
-calming tea (it is really unfortunate when tea people include stevia in the bag with all the leaves. i can decide for myself whether i want my mouth to feel unexpectedly cold and dry, thanks. that doesn't actually make me feel calm, having a dry and cold mouth.)
-using a weighted blanket (worth every penny. not sure why i'm always so surprised when i try to pick it up to carry it somewhere and it's so heavy. it's so heavy, you guys?!)
-reading a book (i joined the library! turns out there are a lot of things you can do at the public library that you couldn't do last time i frequented one. libraries have made a lot of progress since the 90's, everyone. not sure if you knew.
...for real though you can rent wifi hot spots and rosetta stone and other very cool things.)
-stretching my trapezius muscles (yes i teach yoga and yes i suggest this in every yoga class i teach. your "traps" can tense up the whole back side of your torso and wreak havoc on the rest of your bod. breastfeeding makes this worse unless you are one of those magical unicorns with perfect breastfeeding form. which i am not. oh, breastfeeding...the panics you have caused me. try it: interlace your fingers behind your head, right below the crown-ish. let your chin fall towards your chest and gradually add weight into your hands. you should feel a stretch anywhere from the base of your skull to your shoulders to your mid-back. hopefully all of them. it's just the best.)
-deep breaths (these don't work once the panic has arrived.)
-tums (thank you, pastel chalk.)
-apple cider vinegar (why fucking not)
-texting
-concentrating really hard on what the uncomfortable sensations in my gut are that i'm trying so hard to get away from. gurgles? bubbles? burning? cramps? pits? aches? all of the above? all of the effing above. worth noting: it's not always vommy. i always assume it's nausea before i check in, so it helps to observe. if i remember. and if i'm brave enough - because sometimes i'm scared that if i really look closely at my discomfort, it'll blow up in my face and just envelop me, i guess.
-trying to "notice without judging" how weirdly cold my feet are. cold and tingly. it's unusual, but it's not an emergency. i can live with it. they're not going to be tingly forever and they're not going to fall off. who needs feet anyway?! not this girl.
-lying on my belly. this helps especially when i can't sleep. and then i fall asleep with the light on and my husband has to turn it off. sorry, husband. you're the best.
my baby thinks it's time to party and i think it's time to sleep...thanks for listening.
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